The last two weeks have been… a lot.
It started with me being unwell. I had a terrible sore throat, lost my voice for a while and generally wasn't feeling like myself. Just as I started getting better, the children got sick.
And yet, somewhere in between hospital visits, long nights, medicines and fighting high temperatures, life and work continued.
I still showed up online. I attended meetings. I posted content. We even celebrated Royal's birthday. And it reminded me again that you really never know everything someone is carrying from the little pieces of their life you see online.
Last week was particularly difficult with Reign and King being unwell. There were hospital visits, very little appetite, missed school and the daily battle of, Please just take your medicine.
Moms, you know the antibiotic struggle! The crying, negotiating, gagging and sometimes vomiting it right back up after you finally managed to get it down.
Some nights were incredibly long.
At one point, Reign needed medication through an IV because she wasn't keeping her medicine down. I remember holding her as she cried while they put the IV in, trying to reassure her while my own heart was hurting.
I kept telling her, "Sometimes healing means going through something uncomfortable before we get to the other side."
And somehow, I think I was preaching to myself too.
There was one morning when everything just felt heavy. I went into the bathroom, sat down and cried for a little while.
There is something about your children being sick that makes you feel so helpless. You wish you could take the pain for them. You replay things in your mind wondering what you could have done differently. You are exhausted from the nights, but you still have to be strong because they're looking at you.
And yet, in the middle of all of this, there was also joy.
It was Royal's birthday week.
One child was celebrating while the others were struggling. And that's such an interesting picture of motherhood. Sometimes you're holding completely different emotions for different children at exactly the same time.
You're celebrating with one while worrying about another.
You're smiling for one while your heart is heavy for another.
And somehow, you have to be fully present for both.
One unexpected gift from this season happened on a day Reign couldn't go to school.
Because I work from home and have flexibility around my schedule, I could simply be with her..
We did our devotion together. She sat with me during one of my meetings. We watched a movie. We talked. And because the other children were at school, she had me completely to herself for those few hours.
No competing for Mommy's attention.
Just us.
It made me realize that I want to intentionally create more moments like that with each of my children. Not because they're sick, but because sometimes our children need to experience us one on one.
Through all of this, I've also been incredibly grateful for Steve. We've shared the hospital runs, the long nights and the temperature checks. There's something comforting about knowing you're not carrying it alone.
But more than anything, I've been leaning heavily on Psalm 121
I lift up my eyes to the mountains. Where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord…
Those words have felt different this week.
Because motherhood constantly reminds me that there are things I simply cannot control.
I can take them to the doctor.
I can give the medicine.
I can stay awake through the night.
I can hold them while they cry.
I can pray.
But ultimately, I have to entrust my children to God.
Today, they went back to school. Their appetites are improving, their energy is coming back and things are beginning to feel normal again. And I'm incredibly grateful.
So perhaps this is just a little reminder from me to you:
You never really know what someone is carrying behind what you see online.
And if you're in a difficult season right now, whether it's with your children, your health, your marriage, your work, your finances or something nobody else knows about, keep looking up.
Healing isn't always instant.
Sometimes there is a process.
Sometimes there is a valley.
But God doesn't stop being God in the valley.
"My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth.” Psalm 121:2
And this week, that has been enough for me.